ha.

funny how i can go the entire week being mostly [auto-pilot] functional to completely non-functioning in the course of…5 hours?

awesome.

i went for a walk this afternoon with the intention of getting my mind together but it just made me feel worse.

also crying in cold weather is hurtful, especially to my leather face.

mania? WTF.

ideas and thoughts.

i am very excited to get back to mi casa.

the past few days have been heavy my my heart and brain.

but last night made it up for all of it when i met up for foods and booze with some friends at good luck.

despite the snow being very naughty, i managed to drive to the bar and not skid off the road: success.

anyway, this morning i am at the airport and i really wish the players sports bar was open–mommy could use a mimosa…or a big tall glass of lemonade doused with some vodka.

the people the this damn airport are such asspants.

some man in line for mcdonalds got all in my face because i cut him in the line to get my delicious processed egg mcmuffin.

brodude was standing in the damn hallway and not even 5 feet near the counter, so i walked ahead of him and then he got all like “HELLLLLLLO WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!??!!?!?!? I NEED MY FOOD FIRST SO I CAN GET MORE FAT!”

strange.

people.

another strange thing is how i realized this morning that i’m already a mom.

i’ve been a mom for years.

i do not like it.

i’d prefer to be the child, ya know, give it a try.

that’d be different.

me & traveling are friends.

i don’t really mind airports or any of that type of shit.

i actually sort of really, really enjoy them.

people watching is the best at airports for a number of reasons.

1. people are spaztic here

-usually running late

-are afraid

-trying to not freak out

2. security

-lots of them watching the herd

-everyone in their eyes is already a criminal

3. people trying to pick people up

-you’d surprised at the number of people here trying to hook and since i’m oh so friendly, they all try to talk to me.

seriously!

i am the most unfriendly person ever and people always try to talk to me {okay, not the MOST unfriendly, but i usually walk around with a scowl on my face, i’m actually a rather nice person–right? yes.}

i wish i was returning for fun times but the times are not going to be fun–or maybe they will be!

maybe it’ll be like disney world, minus the 75 degree weather?

who knows.

p.s. if this post sounds wonky, it’s because i am feeling rather wonky in the head…like nothing is working properly, so sorry to interrupt–proceed.

yup.

yup.

World Championship of Online Poker (WCOOP).

in case anyone was innerested, this i what sort of biznass i’m up to:

[learn more at http://www.pokerstars.com/wcoop/]

The WBCOOP returns for 2010!

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Every year the WBCOOP gives bloggers from all over the world the chance to play tournament poker for great prizes. It’s the perfect way to challenge other poker writers, and compete to prove that you are the best in the business. This year you can win seats to the Spring Championship of Online Poker (SCOOP)*, plus SCOOP Steps satellite tickets. We’ll also be awarding spot prizes during the event for the best live blogs and Twitter posts. See below for more about what you can win.

i has a job?

well, i believe i have a job.

i will be the grand magician of places and things!

quite the title.

and with a heavy increase in salary [because i was disgustingly underpaid in my prior life], i can even afford to buy a fancy suede bedazzled cape or a goyard.

ZING.

mmmm let’s see, let’s see–the title of my job is rather hokey [the real one, not the magician one, ha].

and i’d like it to be changed to something else but who cares i guess.

titles are whack anywayz.

so i get to do some traveling with my bedazzler, so that’s pretty neat.

not traveling for fun but traveling for work and not the work where i go away and then fall asleep but real work.

change of pace.

i’m excited to see what this biznass is all about: the magician biznass.

but onto some real stuff.

so i really wanted to work in the city but i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m working there for all the wrong reasons.

i’ve had this small dream…small hope that one day i would have lived in the city but i think that is over and is never happening and it makes me sad and i think that’s why i am so hung up on the city.

i don’t care how much people tell me how i’ll hate it or whatever [and realistically, i think it could be a drag with schlepping your shit all over sans car and taking subways always] but i just wanted to try it–and this is where i flash forward 20 years and lament about how i never lived in the city.

if there is one thing i really dont want to do is look back and say something like “i wish i did this”.

i’m sure i’ll say that but i don’t want to, so i want to do everything that i want to do so that there are no ’shoulda coulda wouldas’.

i’ve done a lot, mostly what i’ve wanted…except that.

the reasonings are large and expansive but i do not regret the decision[s] that i made that led me away from the city.

i’ll just have to make up for not living in the city by living in a big dumb house with a bunch of viking equipment [my other small dream and hope].

this new job is going to be very strange…driving to work…getting out of work at 5 and being home by 530…going to the beach in the summer ON WEEKDAYS.

exciting.

down to the biznass.

and just like that the week is over.

word.

the other day’s nonsense was obviously forgotten.

ha.

how quick the tide turns in some people’s brains.

i am officially done with interviews for the week, thank you Cheeto god.

next week i have two more and then i should hopefully have a job by the end of next week.

fingaz crossed ya’ll

everyone have a glorious weekend filled with blackouts, falling down on the sidewalk, and perhaps stealing a few cars.

why oh why.

today was radical.

4 interview requests in one day?

yup.

pretty excited about all that–although, it’s going to be a bit hectic and a lot of work, it’s all gooooood.

but of course, a nice day must be marred and ruined by my favorite person in the whole universe.

ugh.

how much longer will i be punished?

apparently for eternity because there is no end in sight with this “situation”.

a fucking situation that has existed for FUCKING EVER AND EVER.

i try to not let the “situation” [not jersey shore ha] get to me but sometimes <like today> when things have been going all nice and well and then i think for a few moments ‘yes, things are getting better’ but then i’m like ‘oh fuck, no they aren’t’.

dwelling on the past is bad and i try not to but sometimes i think about everything and it’s like a pile of bricks falling down on my brain and i have to shake it off.

ugggggggggggggh.

okay breath.

today was good, good things, good thoughts.

breath.

music i’m boozin’ to.

little freak w/usher featuring nicki minaj.

wasn’t a fan of all that barbie nonsense but i guess she’s alright.

here’s another one called it shake if for me daddy [skethcy ass title] with that sexy creep robin thicke [alan thicke's son, weird] and minaj. this is the remix version…better than original that came out a bit ago.

this is a silly song but i like it–smooches with gucci mane feature sean garret

and wale remixed bed rock which is better than that other creep original version

sean kingston’s replay remix with bizzy bone!

that’s all folks.

motivation levels at all time lows.

i don’t want to do anything.

nothing.

i just want to sit and do nothing.

i’ve been trying to get my act together for the last 5 hours without any success.

not talking face-to-face with people is strange.

over the past x amount of days, i’ve pretty much only spoke with sauce–weekends and interviews don’t count.

when you go from seeing people everyday for 8 hours straight to seeing almost no one, weird shit happens.

your mind does cuckoo things.

yesterday i went to jersey to see christ.

that was good.

we talked.

did girl things.

found some bridesmaid stuff.

it was a nice outting.

tomorrow, another adventure.

going skiing [with skis] with the remster.

we went last year [as a semi-group] to mohawk but we’re doing it big and going to hunter.

should be pretty fun–and hopefully i won’t hurt anything [something that happens].